when I cry

Is it my heart that is broken, that causes my eyes to water?

Might be something that I’ve allowed into my Soul? Darted by another with black intent, when guard was down for that moment in time.

Something I’ve carried for a long long time, that keeps reminding me that to be whole, I need to run into it, whatever it is,
regardless of the cost. Rather than to continue to run away.

That thing I have been striving for, for such a long time, that might have been taken away by something outside of my control.

The burden of trying to carry the suffering of others, all piled on top.

For the huge potential, that which it is to be alive. To see how far away from all these incredible things we are and can be.

And perhaps then the hardest of them all.

To cry in forgiveness for all those things done in the past, now understood with regret.

The striking out towards others, from the pain risen from somewhere in the bottom of me. For those actions taken, that have now been seen as blackness, of poor intent, that they always were.

For the hurts carried since the child really started to experience itself in the world. Picking up all too easily those scars, been buried smouldering sometimes for the entire Life.

When I cry, it is hardly ever that I am taking on the hurt and pain.

More, it is far more than that.

It is when in those final moments I decide to forgive myself of these things.

To finally allow myself the luxury of putting down all my guards and to allow the healing to come in.

For when I cry, it is not the hurt or the pain you are witnessing.

When I cry I am actually allowing the healing to overcome, to pour out of me.

When I cry it is the strength in me, the permission I give myself, to heal so much in this way.

The next time it rises in you, the feeling to have a cry.

Regardless of how you arrived to that moment in time.

Allow it to pour over you, to swamp you in the Love of Life, that waits on the other side.

For in the strength it takes to drop your guard to this level, is the beginning of the warrior in you in rising.

Though these hallways you must travel.